It’s so hard deciding what’s blog “appropriate” and what is not. As much as I want to focus on fashion, so much more than shoes, clothes and jewelry occupy my mind – trust me! Actually I rather “do” fashion than talk fashion, just a little shocking fact that most people don’t know. I really rather put together/create the outfit or whatever it is than discuss it. I don’t mind doing all three simultaneously though: talk, create and show. If I am to talk fashion and fashion only it’s always awkward and draining with people who aren’t as bewildered by colors, textures, materials and creation like me, they just never get my excitement or see what I am seeing in my head – sight**
Anyhow, this post is about romantic relationships. I know the title ‘ Focus on Now’ isn’t exactly the best headline for a “love” discussion but soon you’ll get why I picked it. I was undecided if I should even discuss this subject on here but more and more I am coming to terms with the fact that I really view my blog as a space that encompasses all things in my life, not just my struggles with dressing a voluptuous body but also my struggles with love, career, family, and personal growth. I believe in sharing my experiences to help the next sister who’s feeling like she is alone and it’s kinda cool looking back at such document moments!
Okay, so … do you have random moments wherein all of a sudden exes or men from your past are pursuing you again? This is not to say I have had many boyfriends, I am only on my fourth and hopefully last boyfriend ( HE IS THE BOMB!!) but I have had my share of dates too.
Without going into too many details and definitely not name-dropping, two of my exes have come on strong and the other is always ready for when I give him a chance – if at all. I am not sure how this relationship things are supposed to work – didn’t get the instruction books. Some say never stay friends with your exes, I get it! I wouldn’t say stay friends either but there’s nothing wrong with being cordial with people who you once shared a moment with, right? We don’t have to necessarily cut off ties or “don’t ever call me or find me” type-of-talk, righttttt? Or do we?
In trying to ” Focus on now”: my current relationship, I am finding it challenging to respect my guy and ,occasionally, have conversation with men from my past , who seem to now suddenly get it! Get what you say? Get what a damn good thing I was and get what I was trying to show/teach them about commitment. In other words, ” this could have been us but you cheated …” See, once I care for someone, I almost always care for good. I get over painful, hurtful, betrayal episodes and I genuinely care about the person improving themselves and finding genuine happiness regardless of if its not with me. In trying to help them, advice them as a woman who’s been with them and knows them well, it gets tricky because they can start wanting me all over again! ( inserts major UGH here with 3 seconds of rolled eyes)
The tricky part is the discussion of ‘remember when we were together…” it’s so easy to get caught up in the sentimental shit of the past. I get the need to dig from there but it’s a dangerous move! Also, it is best to keep it honest with your current significant other if you’re in any communication with someone from the past.
I am already dealing with trying to make a smooth transition with an ex, whom we had the most dramatic ending, into being a cordial, respectful, what-we-had-was-great-but-what-happened-happened but it’s been challenging because we both weren’t ready to let go of each other when we broke off initially. It had to happen, because he cheated! Regardless of how much of a mistake it was or he “didn’t mean to” he got “caught up” whatever. It had to happen and it did and it was messy, hurtful and confusing. Not getting a full understanding of what happened has made it difficult for both of us to move on. For me to love the way I know how to ,naturally, was altered for good! For him to trust himself to not mess up on the next good thing he gets – because as far as he’s concerned after the mess, he doesn’t get how he could have allowed himself to get so deep and lose focus of what he knew he wanted, which was “supposedly” moi!
I commend people who are able to bond deeply with someone and when all blows up they can just pack their memories, flick the middle finger and move on as if there is no hurt to work through. Better yet those who seem to stay eternally angry at their exes, they are always heated when they see or hear of them! I really admire them but I question if it’s just a wall they put up? I , for one, am not built that way.
Sorry, I don’t do well in my spiritual health walking around knowing that there’s someone somewhere who I once had a bond with, whom now if we were to walk by each other there would be a World WAR III. It’s one thing if it’s a distant acquaintance, a “semi-friend” but someone who I shared my insecurities with, became vulnerable with, talked with for hours, it is just not easy at all to pretend and go on.
It wasn’t easy being vulnerable on here. Please respect my feelings, my story, my love.